


Like a Monster With Two Heads

by LetTheMusicMoveYou



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Angst, BBC Radio 1, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Coming of Age, Getting Back Together, Hand Jobs, Harry and Nick Host the Breakfast Show, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up, Radio DJ Harry, Radio Producer Liam, Record Label A and R Zayn, Record Label CEO Niall, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Songwriter Louis, Songwriter Shawn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:11:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetTheMusicMoveYou/pseuds/LetTheMusicMoveYou
Summary: When he left a year ago he wasn’t even sure if he would return to London or not. Hell, he wasn’t even sure until about a few weeks ago. It had just felt right. It was time.He still remembers the worry he heard in his Mum’s voice when he had called her out of the blue and asked how she would feel if he came to visit… indefinitely. The indefinitely bit had been implied, but he knew she had picked up on it. She just always knows. Some kind of Mum telepathy that Louis stopped trying to comprehend years ago. He had hated to worry her, but he hadn’t known where else to go. And he had to go somewhere.London had been suffocating him. He knows that’s not really fair, it wasn’t the city’s fault, but he hadn’t been ready to face the real problem back then. So London took the blame as it were. And cities can’t really talk back, can they?(Or the one where Louis ran from love to find himself, but now he's realizing that letting himself be loved is a whole other challenge).Title from 2 Heads by Coleman Hell





	Like a Monster With Two Heads

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, this story has been sitting on my computer and in my head for so long. 
> 
> This is the one where I basically project my own shit onto Louis in fictional story form lol. I hope you'll give it a chance, it's a really important story for me and it was very cathartic to write. 
> 
> I'm hoping to finish this soon. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! x

_“There is something about you._

_You seem like underneath the shield or wall you put up there is a very deep sweet, caring, open person._

_You just have this look or something… I don’t know at all what it is… or what I’m even talking about… just some sense I get from you that is different.”_

Louis knows he should stop scrolling through old text messages. It’s pointless. Like looking in the rearview mirror of a car he isn’t even licensed to drive.

***

Louis lets out a long sigh of relief as he takes a sip from his mug of steaming hot tea. It has just the right amount of milk to give it that light honey brown colour, and no sugar. The way God intended. 

The morning air is unbelievably peaceful as he sits on the balcony of his new flat. It’s a bloody tiny balcony, just barely enough room for a garden chair and little side table. But that’s all he needs really, just room for himself.

London feels different than it did when he left a year ago. Or maybe the city is still just the same animal it’s always been, and always will be. Maybe Louis’ the one who’s different. Or maybe he’s been watching too much _East Enders_ with his Mum. He could stand to cool it on the dramatics. Then again, being overly theatrical is just one of his many charms. If he does say so himself.

It’s strange to be living on his own again. After spending the last year at home in Doncaster with his Mum and all the kids, the silence now is almost jarring. He half expects the twins to come bursting through the door at any moment covered in paint, or mud, or some other equally messy substance. He smiles fondly at the thought. He misses his siblings already, and makes a mental note to remember to FaceTime them later. 

He goes to take another sip of tea and startles to find his mug empty. _Has he really been out here that long?_ He sighs and takes his empty mug back inside his flat. Besides the necessities, most of his belongings are still in boxes. Mostly because he can’t really be arsed to unpack them yet. _He carried them all up two bloody flights of stairs yesterday, he deserves a break_.

When he left a year ago he wasn’t even sure if he would return to London or not. Hell, he wasn’t even sure until about a few weeks ago. It had just felt right. _It was time_. 

He still remembers the worry he heard in his Mum’s voice when he had called her out of the blue and asked how she would feel if he came to visit… indefinitely. The indefinitely bit had been implied, but he knew she had picked up on it. She just always knows. Some kind of Mum telepathy that Louis stopped trying to comprehend years ago. He had hated to worry her, but he hadn’t known where else to go. And he had to go somewhere.

London had been suffocating him. He knows that’s not really fair, it wasn’t the city’s fault, but he hadn’t been ready to face the real problem back then. So London took the blame as it were. _And cities can’t really talk back, can they?_

He’s not entirely sure why he did come back. _To handle unfinished business? To stop hiding? To prove that he could make it this time?_

He’s pulled from his thoughts by the loud beeping of his phone alarm. He groans. He’s going to be late for work on his first day back. He grabs his wallet and hurries out the door. 

He’s going to get his bloody fresh start, even if it kills him.

***

He’s not really sure why his stomach is flipping around nervously as he walks up to the front door of his office building. It’s not like it’s actually his first day. He’s still been working for the last year. It was one of his main arguments for moving back home. _‘I’m a song writer Mum, I can literally do that anywhere!’_

He pushes through the glass front door of the building and makes his way to the lift. There’s two other men in the lift with him wearing obviously expensive suits. They give his torn skinny jeans and Arctic Monkeys t-shirt disapproving glances, but otherwise don’t acknowledge him. No doubt they’re heading to the law office on the top floor. When the lift stops on the third floor Louis moves to exit but pauses right before stepping off. He turns back to the men who are staring at him now and gives them his sweetest smile. “Have a lovely day gentlemen.” He completes the sentiment by flipping them off and smirks at their gaping mouths as the lift doors slide closed between them. 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to go around pissing off lawyers? Christ.” 

Louis is grinning before he even turns around. He’d recognize that Irish accent anywhere. When he does turn he sees Niall standing by the reception desk in a pair of joggers and cut-off vest complete with a backwards snapback. Not exactly conventional attire for a record label CEO, then again nothing about Niall is conventional. 

Louis chuckles. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to house an indie record label in a posh office building?” 

Niall grins that big smile that practically swallows his whole face. “Fair point. Those dinosaurs could stand to lighten up. Good work Tommo!” 

Niall is already walking off down the hallway so Louis hurries to keep up with him. He almost forgot that Niall literally never stops moving, _or talking_. He’s still talking over his shoulder now. “It’s good to have you back mate. No one else around here is ever up for a good prank. Like sometimes you just have to fill the hand soap dispenser with mayonnaise ya know?” 

Louis barks out a laugh. “You’re a menace. I bet Zayn hated that.” 

Niall pauses only long enough to stop and nod his head enthusiastically. “Yeah, he almost cried. It was classic.” 

“You know he’s going to stop forgiving you at some point, right?” 

Niall pretends to consider that for a moment. “Nah, no one can resist my charm forever.” 

Louis shakes his head fondly. Zayn is head of the label’s A&R, that’s fancy industry speak for Artists and Repertoire. He finds artists to sign and helps determine the final cuts for records/projects. He’s bloody brilliant, he’s also probably the only person on the planet that can put up with Niall’s antics. 

Niall only _dresses_ like a uni drop-out who still lives in his parent’s basement. In reality, he’s quite extraordinary. He started Stout Records when he was only 21, and in the last four years he built it up to become a major powerhouse in the world of Indie music. So much so that even major mainstream labels have started to take notice. 

Niall and Zayn took a chance on Louis when he was a nobody with everything to prove and nothing to lose. He had shown up on their door step, when they were still running the label out of their shitty shared flat, with a couple of crap songs he’d been working on. And for some reason they decided to give him a shot. The gave him a writing contract and completely changed his life. 

They’ve stopped walking now and Louis belatedly realizes that Niall has led him to the writing room he always used before he left. He nudges Louis’ shoulder gently with his own. “Saved it for ya. Wouldn’t let anyone else use it. Zayn was pissed, but he got over it eventually.” 

Louis can feel the tears well up in his eyes without warning. Niall could have easily ended his writing contract when Louis told him he was leaving town, but he didn’t. Instead he’d allowed him to work remotely no questions asked. He only required that Louis come into the city every couple of months for meetings and progress reports. It was more than generous. _Much more than Louis deserved_. 

Niall grins and gives him a playful shove. “Don’t get sappy on me now Tommo. I need you to get your pretty arse in there and write me some chart toppers.” 

Louis can’t help by laugh despite himself. He’ll never stop being grateful for Niall. “Thanks Ni. Seriously, I owe you.” 

Niall gives him a smile laced with mischief. “About that, actually…”

Louis sighs and rolls his eyes over-dramatically. “Oh go on then, what is it?”

Niall is practically bouncing with excitement. “We have a new writer Zayn just signed, called Shawn. He’s green as hell, but damn good.”

Louis’ nodding along but he’s not really following. “That’s great Ni, but what does it have to do with me?” 

“I think he would benefit greatly by shadowing you. Could really shape his budding career.” 

Louis can’t stop the whine that escapes his mouth. “Ni, I don’t have time to babysit.” 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest and Louis can tell he’s not going to back down on this. “Well good, cause no one’s asking you to. Think of it as a collaboration if you will.” He pauses to bat his eyelashes. “Besides, you owe me remember?” 

Louis tries to pout, but he ends up grinning instead. Niall might actually be right about his charms being irresistible. He sighs as he opens the door to his writing room. “Your devil’s tongue will be the death of me Niall Horan.” He steps inside the room and can hear Niall’s cackling laugh all the way down the hall. 

***

Louis’ eyes track the notes scrawling across the screen of his Macbook simultaneously along with the movements of his fingers on the piano keys. All the notes are stringing together in what could _technically_ be considered a song. He just wishes the thing that’s been tormenting his inner-thoughts for the last several months would allow itself to be released into actual physical form. But instead he’s left with a song that’s only really a hint of what he wants it to be. 

He sighs as he hits save on the audio file. It’s only his fifth attempt to write the damn thing. Surely, he can survive at least a few more tries before he well and truly loses his mind. 

He’s stretching his arms over his head restlessly when he hears a knock at the door. He figures it’s probably Zayn coming to welcome him back and also to pry for information on what he’s writing. Zayn is brilliant at his job, but patience isn’t one of his virtues. 

However it isn’t Zayn who opens the door at all. Instead he’s faced with a young lad, probably late teens with the audacity to wear a denim jacket over slightly darker denim jeans. He has a ridiculously defined jaw, wavy brown hair that’s perched perfectly atop his head, and a goofy smile plastered on his face. 

Louis somehow manages not to eye roll. This kid looks like an eager puppy who’s just been taken to the dog park for the first time. “I’m assuming you must be Shawn?”

He’s met with an overly enthusiastic head nod from the boy across from him. “Oh my gosh you know my name! I mean.. yes. Hi, I’m Shawn Mendes and I’m like your biggest fan. I can play all your songs on the piano and the guitar and most of them on the drums. And I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I just..” 

Louis cuts him off gently with a shake of his head. “I’m flattered really, but you can relax. I’m nothing special I promise you.”

Shawn is just staring at him with his mouth gaping open like a fish desperate for water. “What are you talking about? You’re amazing. Every songwriter in the business wants to be you and every singer wants to perform one of your songs.” 

Despite himself, Louis can feel the blush creeping up his neck. “Thank you really, but enough about me. Niall said Zayn just signed you?”

Shawn is doing that insane head nod again and Louis’ actually a little worried he’s going to injure himself. “Yeah, it’s so crazy! I was just this kid in my bedroom in Canada singing songs I wrote to my little shitty camera. And then one day freaking Zayn Malik of Stout Records shows up on my doorstep saying he saw me on YouTube and wants to sign me. _Me?_ Can you believe it? It’s so crazy!”

Louis can’t help but smile. “Yeah you said that already, but I get what you mean. It’s weird to suddenly get paid for something you already love to do yeah?” 

Shawn is giving him the stupidest grin and Louis really hates how endearing it is. “Gosh, everything you say is so eloquent. I could listen to you talk for hours, no wonder you’re an amazing writer. I always sound like a tool when I try to explain stuff.” 

Louis barks out a laugh. “Careful, with the compliments kid. I’ve been told my ego is already too big for the room as it is.”

Shawn just giggles in response. “So what’s the plan for the day then?”

Louis shrugs. “Dunno? I’ve never really had anyone shadow me before. But I’ve been working on this song for months and it’s being a real bitch. Maybe you could give me some help yeah?”

Shawn lets out a shriek so high-pitched Louis’ fairly certain it could be heard mostly by dogs. “That is amazing OH MY GOD.”

Louis’s eye roll can no longer be restrained. 

_What did Niall get him into now?_

_***_

Louis hums to himself as he he sorts through the various oddly shaped tupperware containers, ziplock bags, and lunch pails chucked haphazardly into the break room fridge. He’d been in such a rush this morning he’d forgotten to pack anything. Sure he could order in, _but what’s the fun in that?_

He finally settles on a small square tupperware with a blue lid. It has a sticky note with a large letter “Z” sharpied on it. He can’t be 100% sure, but he’s fairly certain it’s kebabs. He’s still humming and about to pop the container in the microwave when he hears a sharp voice behind him.

“A, that better be a new hit song you’re humming. And B, I am fully prepared to rain holy hell down on you if you eat my lunch Louis Tomlinson.”

Louis turns around slowly grinning. “Reckon I can’t write you any hit songs if I’m dead Zaynie.” 

Zayn groans while rolling his eyes, but Louis can’t help but notice the smile that slips out. Zayn sighs as he moves past Louis to grab two forks out of the plastic bin on the counter. “I almost forgot what it’s like having to deal with not just Ni’s antics, but yours too. You both are lucky I’m stupid enough to stay here after all these years.” 

Louis laughs lightly as he pulls the now warm meal out of the microwave and moves over to an empty table while Zayn trails behind. “Oh please, you love it.”

Zayn is grumbling under his breath, but he tosses Louis a fork. Louis grins as he stabs at a skewer before sliding the container over to Zayn.

Zayn gives him a contemplative look. “So how is the writing going? It’s been nearly a month since our last meeting.” 

Louis groans. “God, do you ever stop working? Can’t a man just steal his friend’s lunch in peace?”

Zayn chuckles. “You know I’m the only reason anything ever gets done around here. If I’m not working nobody is.”

Louis grins. That is mostly true. Niall is the genius CEO, but Zayn’s the one that makes sure everything keeps running like a well oiled machine. They really are the ultimate odd couple. 

Louis steals the tupperware back from Zayn and swirls his fork around the rice collected at the bottom of the container, making sure to keep his eyes down and off of Zayn’s. “Been working on something, but it’s not there yet.” 

He can practically hear Zayn thinking and it’s annoying, so he flicks some rice at him. 

Zayn squeaks indignantly. “What? I didn’t even say anything!” 

Louis shrugs, “yeah but you were thinking it.” 

Zayn leans back in his chair. “Fine then, out with it.” 

Louis tilts his head to the side in confusion. “Out with what? What are you on about?”

Zayn lets out a frustrated puff of air. “I know you Louis. Whenever you can’t write a song it’s cause you don’t want to.”

Louis freezes with his fork halfway to his mouth. “What the hell are you talking about? I’ve been killing myself for months trying to write the bloody thing.” He can practically feel his own blood pressure rising. Zayn has absolutely no right to accuse him of withholding a song when it could not possibly be farther from the truth. 

But it appears his dark haired friend is not prepared to back down. “Bullshit.” 

Louis drops his fork completely, waiting momentarily for it to stop clattering on the metal tabletop before he finally speaks. “I beg your pardon?” 

Zayn crosses his arms over his chest. “You heard me. I call bullshit. You, Louis Tomlinson are positively one of the most brilliant song writers I’ve ever met. You’re also a stubborn arse. If you can’t write a song it’s because you don’t want to face your own thoughts and we both know it.”

Louis takes a deep breath before responding. He’s not sure what has him so mad. The fact that Zayn has the nerve to say those things to him, _or the fact that he’s right_. He stares into Zayn’s eyes for a few moments before letting out a somewhat manic laugh. “You know people think you’re good at A&R because you’re so focused and strategic. But it’s actually your ability to mind-fuck people. Downright irritating mate.”

Zayn grins victoriously. “Now that we both agree, why don’t you tell me what it is that you don’t want to admit. What’s that song about? Or should I say _who_?”

Louis scrunches his face up. “I can’t even write it in a song Z, why the hell do you think I’d be able to tell you about it?” 

He watches as Zayn’s face shifts from determined to concerned. “I don’t know Lou, maybe cause I’m your friend? You do get that right? That I care about you? Ni and I both do.” 

Louis feels his throat constrict a bit as he nods. “Yeah Z, I know.” 

Zayn lets out a sigh. “Then why can’t you talk to me? You know, for a brilliant song writer who can pour so much emotion into his songs, you’re pretty shit at actually talking about your feelings.”

Louis feels the irritation bubble up again, but he pushes it back down. He knows Zayn’s right again, which is infuriating but that doesn’t make it any less true. He really can’t fault his friend for being perceptive, and he certainly can’t fault him for being worried. 

Louis picks up his fork again and forcefully stabs at a chunk of grilled pineapple. “I know you’re coming from a good place mate, but I’m telling you I can’t talk about it. Not right now.” He forces himself to look up again, into Zayn’s concerned face. He’s hoping the pleading look will be enough, he really doesn’t want to vocalize it. 

Zayn seems to take pity on him because he just shakes his head slightly before sighing. “Fine, I’ll drop it. But only for now. You’re not off the hook forever Louis Tomlinson, you lunch nabbing little shit.” 

Louis smiles victoriously around the large mouthful of rice he’s just shoved into his mouth. “I wouldn’t have it any other way Z. But enough about me, what about you?” 

Zayn seems to be doing his best to ignore Louis’ cocked head and questioning expression. He ends up just shrugging noncommittally. “There’s nothing to say really, just been much of the same here. Bloody Niall put mayonnaise in the soap dispensers and it was a nightmare to clean them out.”

Louis rolls his eyes playfully. “That’s hilarious, but not what I was asking about and you know it.” 

Zayn is doing his best impression of offended. “You really shouldn’t enable him so much and I assure you I have no idea what you’re on about.”

Louis grins. “Fine, I’ll just ask it then. How’s Liam?” He watches triumphantly as a slight blush creeps up Zayn’s neck. It takes quite a lot to crack Zayn’s shell so Louis always counts it as a victory whenever he can manage it. 

Zayn gains control of himself again before responding. “He’s fine thanks.” Zayn seems to hesitate then for a few seconds before continuing. “He’s great actually. Just got promoted to the Breakfast Show.”

Louis does his best to keep his expression as neutral as possible. “That’s really great Zayn!” Liam and Zayn have been mutually pining over each other for years, but they finally figured it out and got together officially about a year ago. Right before Louis left. Liam is a budding producer at BBC Radio 1. He’s the opposite of Zayn in every way. He’s like sunshine funneled into a human person and his idea of breaking the rules is spending 10 minutes in a 5 minute parking zone. And yet, somehow he and Zayn work together perfectly. Like fire and water.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when he realizes Zayn is asking him a question. “Have you listened to the new breakfast show?” His words seem to come out careful and controlled like he’s trying desperately not to startle a wild animal.

Again, Louis keeps his response in check. He shakes his head lightly. “No I haven’t, just been busy I guess.” 

Zayn nods easily as he takes a swig from the water bottle in front of him. “You should give it a try, Nick and Harry are doing a great job with it.” 

Louis lets out a snort. “Oh please, Grimshaw wouldn’t know good if it bit him on the arse.” 

Zayn chuckles. “I’m sure if he heard you say that he’d say something like ‘you can buy a man new clothes but you certainly can’t buy taste.” Louis can’t help but giggle at Zayn’s frighteningly good impression of Nick’s indignant voice. Zayn seems to go serious again. “You really should give it a listen.” He pushes himself up to standing and heads to leave but turns back around just before going through the doorway. “You might just find what you’re looking for Lou.” 

He might be right, if only Louis knew what the fuck that actually was.

***

Louis sighs down at the open laptop on the counter in front of him. _This is bloody ridiculous, he’s a grown man for Christ’s sake_.

He takes a large gulp of his tea and sets it back on the counter gingerly. He’s just stalling clearly. Finally he moves his hand to the trackpad on his laptop and clicks the ‘listen live’ button on the corner of his screen. 

Suddenly an irritatingly familiar voice is filling his kitchen. “I’m Nick Grimshaw joined by a reluctant yet stupidly charming Harry Styles and you’re listening to the Breakfast Show on BBC Radio 1.” 

Louis rolls his eyes as the jingle plays. Once it’s finished he hears another familiar voice flowing through his small laptop speakers. But this time he doesn’t feel irritation, rather something else that makes his stomach flip. 

“Oy mate, I wouldn’t be so reluctant if I didn’t spend every one of these shows fearing for my life.” 

Louis lets out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. It’s strange to hear Harry’s voice again. It’s the same as he remembered it. Slow and gravelly, yet still somehow gentle and soft. 

He realizes that Nick is still driveling on. 

“I would hardly say you should fear for your life Haz. Just last week I let you interview Daniel Radcliffe.”

Harry makes an indignant squeak. “You also made me prank him into thinking someone had stolen his car and was trying to ransom it off.” 

Louis can practically picture Nick waving him off with his hand. “Oh come on now, it was all for a laugh. I’m sure Daniel will come around eventually, he might even lift that restraining order. But enough of Harry’s griping. It’s time for some music so please call me and tell me what you want to hear, I’m desperate to talk to someone who appreciates my humor unlike Harold here.” 

Harry makes a point to grumble lightly into the microphone as Nick rattles off the request line number. Before Louis even realizes what he’s actually doing he has his phone in his hand and he’s punching in the numbers on the keypad on his screen. 

He gets past the vetting easily enough. He doesn’t recognize the voice of the young woman who answers, but he notices she’s American. Probably a new intern to replace Liam now that he’s a full-fledged producer. She tells Louis that he’ll be transferred to Nick and Harry momentarily. 

Louis runs his finger along the rim of his tea mug absently. Now would be the time to turn back, all he has to do is hang up. But the decision is soon made for him because suddenly Nick’s voice is not only coming through his laptop, but through the phone at his ear as well. 

“Hello lovely caller. You’re on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw and Harry Styles. What’s your name, and where are you from? And for bonus points, please confirm I’m right and Harry’s wrong.” 

Louis takes a deep breath. “My name is L, I’m from London and just for the record I think you’re both wrong. You’re not that funny Grimshaw and Harry is more sensitive than a kitten.”

Louis holds the phone away from his ear for a second as a reprieve from Nick’s loud cackling laugh. Louis knows Nick’s probably recognized his voice, _they probably both have_. 

Thankfully Nick pushes on without drawing attention to it. “Well someone is certainly sassy this morning, but I can appreciate your passionate however misguided opinion L. So what would you like to hear, and anyone you’d like to dedicate it to?” 

Louis grips his phone a little tighter. “I’d like to request _Do I Wanna Know?,_ Arctic Monkeys _._ And I’m dedicating it to the guy that stole my favorite song. I’m just letting him know I’m ready to take it back now.”

Louis can practically envision the scene in the studio right now. Nick smirking at Harry like the devil while Harry sits there with that wide-eyed shocked expression that probably nobody else on the planet could pull off. 

Louis hears Nick’s voice again. “What do you think Harry, should we play if for him?” 

Louis hears what sounds like panicked shuffling before Harry’s response comes through the line. “He sounds like a man who knows what he wants, so yeah I guess we should.”

Louis realizes that his call has ended so he puts his phone down as he listens to Nick introduce the song. “Alright L, this one’s for you. Also, remind me to never date you mate.”

Louis closes his eyes as the first few drum beats flow through his speakers. He shuts his laptop before the song even finishes. 

He got what he needed. 

***

Louis watches as Shawn twirls around the room looking like a right idiot. They’ve been writing together for a few days now and Louis has to admit that it’s actually been going better than he anticipated that it would. Niall was right, despite the fact that Shawn has hardly any experience he definitely has raw talent. 

They’ve gotten some good work done on Louis’ song, but it’s still not where he’d like it be. He was hoping he’d been able to push out the demons that seem to be withholding this song from him, but clearly that’s not the case. 

He’s about to ask Shawn what in the bloody hell he’s actually doing when he hears a steady knock on the door of the writing room. He grunts as an invitation to whoever it is to enter if they dare. Probably Zayn attempting to subtly push them along, _again_. 

When the door opens it’s not Zayn at all, it’s Niall and he looks much more serious than usual. In fact, he looks a little worried. Louis suddenly sits up straighter on the piano bench. “What’s up Ni?”

Niall gives him what Louis assumes is supposed to be a reassuring smile. “You have a visitor Lou.” 

Louis is about to question him further when Niall steps to the side so that someone else can enter the room. 

Suddenly Louis’ world seems to tilt on its axis and he’s not sure which direction is up anymore. He grips the edge of the piano for a second as he waits for both his vision and his balance to come back to him. 

Once it does, he kind of wishes it hadn’t. Seeing Harry in the flesh is much more jarring than he expected it to be. Also the fact that he looks devastatingly good is not helping. He’s wearing a leopard print button up, barely buttoned half-way of course, over sinfully tight black skinny jeans and those goddamned black leather chelsea boots that he’s always been in love with. It would look ridiculous on anyone else surely, but Harry pulls it off. It’s disorienting. 

Suddenly he hears Shawn squeal next to him and he knows he’s in for it. Shawn is practically bouncing in excitement. “Oh my god, you’re Harry Styles! You’re like my favorite Radio 1 DJ, you and Nick do so great on the Breakfast Show. I’m rambling, sorry but like wow! You’re here!” 

Harry chuckles easily. “Here I am. I’m flattered by the way. What’s your name?”

Louis is impressed Shawn hasn’t fully melted into a puddle at this point. “I’m Shawn Mendes. I’m the newest writer here.” 

Harry gives him that trade-mark smile, dimples and all. “Nice to meet you Shawn. I see you’re in good hands with Louis. One of the best in the business.”

Louis takes a breath in an attempt to gather himself. _He can do this_. “What brings you to Stout, Styles? Felt like slumming it?” 

Harry’s eyes narrow slightly but he keeps the easy smile on his face. “Actually I just came to see if you were satisfied with your song request this morning? We’re always aiming for happy listeners.” 

Louis keeps his expression flat. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Harry scoffs. “Of course you don’t Lou, you never do.”

Louis is about to retort when Niall cuts in. “Well it looks like you two need to catch up. Hey Shawn, wanna help me wrap all of Zayn’s office supplies in cling film?” 

Shawn looks like he’s still trying to figure out the tension between Louis and Harry, but he nods anyway. “Yeah sure, but won’t he be mad?”

Niall grins as he steers Shawn towards the doorway. “Yeah, that’s the fun part mate.” 

He turns back to Harry before leaving. “Lovely to see you Harry, just make sure you’re good to my best writer yeah?” Louis hears the warning tone in Niall’s voice and it makes his heart swoon. 

Harry clearly caught it too cause he nods tensely. “Don’t worry Ni, it’s like you said we just need to catch up.”

Niall nods hesitantly and glances at Louis quickly before finally opening the door. “Alright then, talk to you later Lou.” 

Louis nods silently as he watches the door close behind Niall. For a moment no one says anything and they’re both forced to suffocate in their own self-made silence. 

Finally Harry breaks the trance. “Arctic Monkeys was a nice touch, but Nick thinks Drops of Jupiter would have been more appropriate.” 

Louis is about to spit out another denial but his face scrunches up in confusion instead. “Drops of Jupiter?”

Harry nods slowly. He moves towards the piano Louis’ still sat at and runs his finger lightly along the edge of it, on the opposite side of Louis so that they’re facing each other.

He begins to sing softly, his gaze still on the piano.

“But tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded and that heaven is overrated?”

He lifts his stare then, but continues singing. His green eyes boring into Louis’ own.

“Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? One without a permanent scar and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?”

Louis feels his throat tighten, but he attempts to swallow it down. He makes sure his brave mask is in place before he speaks. “You should tell Nick he has shitty taste in music, how he became a DJ is beyond me.”

Harry’s stopped singing now, but he’s still looking at Louis intently. “That song’s a classic and you know it.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Is that why you came all the way over here and interrupted me at work? To tell me that?” 

Harry shrugs easily. “Seems to be a lot of that going around, people just popping up out of the blue suddenly.” 

Louis doesn’t have time for this, and frankly it’s fucking with his head in a way he hadn’t anticipated. “What do you want from me Harry?” 

Harry looks just as exasperated as Louis feels as he shoves his hands in his back jeans pockets. “I don’t know Lou, an explanation would have been nice. Or you know, like a phone call, text, carrier pigeon? Anything really.”

Louis flicks an imaginary spot of lint off of his own shirt. “I did call you, this morning.”

Harry lets out an irritated puff of air. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Louis watches as he throws his hands up in surrender. “I don’t even know what happened to us Lou. You were just gone, and you wouldn’t answer any of my calls or texts. I had to beg at Zayn and Niall’s feet just to have them tell me if you were still alive or not.”

He pauses to take in Louis’ stony expression, but keeps pushing on when he doesn’t get any kind of response. “I finally came to terms with the fact that you were really out of my life for good, and that was that. But then this morning, you just drop out of the bloody sky like nothing happened. So I’m really sorry to inconvenience you Louis but I feel like I deserve some answers here.”

Louis does his best to sit up straight and look more confident than he feels. “That’s the thing Haz, I don’t owe you anything. But thanks for dropping by.” He turns back to his piano and tries to make himself look busy. 

Harry sighs. Out of the corner of his eye Louis sees him shake his head before finally heading for the door. He pauses as he reaches for the knob. “You know what my favorite line in _Do You Wanna Know_ is?” He stalls like he’s waiting for Louis to answer, but continues when he doesn’t get anything. Louis listens as Harry sings the bars perfectly. “Been wondering if your heart’s still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts.” He waits for a pause before speaking again. “Guess I got my answer, huh Lou?” 

Louis turns around to respond, but realizes he’s all alone. 

That is what he wanted. _Isn’t it?_

***

“Oh my god, what happened in here? Louis, are you ok?”

The look of confused horror on Shawn’s face would almost be comical if Louis’ life wasn’t currently crumbling around him, along with his sanity. 

He’s not sure exactly when he started throwing things, but it must have been awhile ago because the room is pretty trashed. There’s notebooks and papers scattered about all over the floor, a glass picture frame that had been displaying Louis’ first ever platinum record is now littered about in shards, and there isn’t a single chair in the room that’s still standing. Luckily he had the sense to leave his laptop and all the instruments intact. 

Shawn still looks like he’s trying to make sense of everything when Niall runs into the room. To his credit, it appears to take Niall all of two seconds to figure out what fueled Louis’ rage. He quietly moves over to a chair and sets it upright while muttering under his breath. “I knew I shouldn’t have left them alone together, bloody hell.” 

He soon pats at the chair and nods in Louis’ direction. “Go on then, take a seat before you can destroy anything else. Zayn’s gonna rip my arse for this by the way.”

Suddenly all of the anger seems to melt out of Louis’ body and all he feels is embarrassment and regret. He fights the urge to drop to his knees as he begs for Niall’s forgiveness. “I am so sorry Niall, I don’t know what came over me. I’ll tell Zayn it’s all my fault and I’ll pay for all of it. You can take it out of my next check, or my next five probably but it doesn’t matter, I’m such an idiot and I’m so so sorry Ni.”

Niall shakes his head and holds up his hand in an attempt to stop Louis’ blubbering. He points to the chair again. “Hush and take a seat.”

This time Louis obeys without protest, an unusual feat for him. Shawn seems to be rooted in place in the doorway, not saying anything but also not making any attempts to leave. Niall kneels down in front of Louis so they’re relatively at eye level. 

“First of all, I accept your apology. Second of all, I don’t know exactly what kind of unfinished business it is that you have with Harry but you need to figure it out mate. Cause if you don’t you’re just going to destroy yourself while bringing the rest of us down with you. Understand?”

Niall’s words are straight to the point, but his tone is kind. Louis blinks back the hot tears that are forming in the corner of his eyes as he nods. He doesn’t say anything because he really doesn’t trust his voice right now. Niall gives him a sad smile and a reassuring pat on the knee before he stands up again. “Alright then, now that we’ve got that sorted what do you say we go for a pint? I think we could all use a drink.”

All Louis really wants to do is go home and curl up in bed in the fetal position, or maybe even just throw in the towel and drive back to his mum’s house. But he forces a smile and a nod anyway.

Maybe a pint and a little winding down is exactly what he needs.

***

One pint turned into five, turned into _maybe seven_? Louis’ completely lost count at this point, all he knows is the room is a little floaty. Also he’s probably not the only one, considering the fact that Niall has Shawn dancing on one of the pub tables and they’re belting out the words to some Irish drinking song. More specifically Niall’s belting them out and Shawn’s just sort of blindly yet enthusiastically stumbling through it.

Louis smiles as he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the worn vinyl of the booth seat he’s sat in. Even with his eyes closed he can still see everything. People stumbling around each other and dancing only the way you can when alcohol lowers your inhibitions. The only difference between the scene in Louis’ head and the one that’s currently playing out in front of him is one single person. 

In Louis’ mind he can see him clear as day. He pauses his wild flailing only long enough to push the sweaty curls out of his face. Uses the hairband on his wrist to tie his unruly mop into a loose bun at the crown his head, giving zero fucks what he looks like. He’s just there to dance and have a good time. Louis wants to get up and join him, but when he opens his eyes Harry’s not on the dance floor. Harry’s not there at all, and Louis can’t ignore the dull ache he feels in the pit of his stomach. 

Out of the corner of his eye he sees someone slide into his booth and take the seat next to him. Zayn has a mostly empty bottle of beer in his hand but besides his eyes seeming a little glassy he doesn’t look much worse for the wear. No matter how plastered he gets Zayn always seems to manage to still look put together. _It’s irritating_. 

Louis leans over and rests his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “Hey Zaynie, why aren’t you helping Niall with his performance?” 

Zayn chuckles lowly. “Not even my perfect falsetto and charming good looks could save that train wreck. Besides, I think he and Shawn have it covered.” 

Louis giggles at that. Niall and Shawn clearly don’t have it covered. Some good samaritan has helped them down from the table and now they’re just stumbling around the dance floor. 

Louis feels Zayn’s fingers tangle themselves in his hair, his nails lightly scratching the scalp. It practically makes Louis purr in happiness. Then Zayn’s low voice is in his ear. “Whatcha thinking about over here Tommo?” 

Louis sighs and closes his eyes again. “Thinking about Harry. Always Harry.” He normally wouldn’t just blurt it out like that. He’s going to go ahead and blame his sudden need to tell the truth on the five _or possibly 7_ beers he’s consumed tonight. 

Zayn continues massaging his scalp. “And what were you thinking about Harry?” 

Louis opens his eyes again, blinking at the suddenly blinding bar lights. “Thinking about how I miss him, how I wish he was here.” 

Zayn hums lightly, whether he’s contemplating that or agreeing Louis isn’t sure. “Why don’t you tell him you miss him Lou?”

Louis lifts his head off of Zayn’s shoulder so he can look in his eyes. “I can’t.”

Zayn furrows his brows. “Why not?”

Louis shakes his head. “Because Zayn, I left. No, I didn’t just leave, I ran away. I left him with nothing. How could I possibly ask him for anything now. He’s better off without me.”

Louis sees the recognition pass across Zayn’s face. “That’s why you called the radio show this morning. You wanted to drive him away for good.” 

Louis nods silently in answer.

Zayn lets out a soft sigh. “You can’t punish yourself forever Louis.” 

Louis shakes his head again, more steadily this time. “No that’s not it. I wasn’t punishing myself Z. I was protecting him.”

Neither of them speak for awhile after that. They just let the sounds of the bar drift around them. 

Finally Zayn breaks the trance. “In some twisted away, I actually understand what you’re saying. But there’s just one problem Lou.”

Louis tilts his head in question. “What do you mean?”

Zayn threads his fingers back in Louis’ hair. “It’s not your choice to make Louis.” He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Louis’ temple before murmuring in his ear.

“Not this time.”

***

Louis leans his head back against the seat of the Uber he’s in before he suddenly sits up straight and leans forward towards the driver. “Hey sorry mate, but can I change my destination?”

The driver just shrugs easily. “Sure man, it’s your money. Where to?”

Louis rattles off the address and sits back as the car makes a u-turn at the next traffic light. He’s not sure why, but he feels better already. The tension he’s been carrying in his shoulders lessens slightly. He’s doing what he needs to do.

He can feel it in his bones.

***

Louis bends down and sets his half empty mug of tea down on the floor so he doesn’t risk spilling it all over the piano or his laptop. Besides, it’s his third cuppa in the last few hours anyway. He could probably stand to slow down a bit. He could say this is the first time he’s found himself in the Stout Records building writing a song at 3am, but he’d be lying. 

Songs are funny things. They tend to choose if and when they grace you with their presence. You have no choice but to just do your best to welcome them to with open arms if they find themselves compelled to visit you. 

At least that’s how it is for Louis. Bit like cats, songs are. You can’t make a cat love you, so it feels like winning the lottery when they do. 

Louis plays a few more chords on the piano and smiles as he hears them. It finally sounds the way it’s supposed to. 

_If only it didn’t sound so fucking depressing._

That’s the other thing about songs that write themselves. _They usually tell you the things you’re too afraid to say out loud_. 

Louis’ not entirely sure what it was exactly that finally shook the song loose from his head. It could have been his confrontation with Harry, the alcohol, or his conversation with Zayn. More than likely it was all of the above.

He shakes his head. It doesn’t really matter how it happened. The song is finally out in the open and Louis will be damned if he doesn’t finish it this time.

***

Louis doesn’t even look up when the door to his writing room opens. He’s so lost in what he’s doing he almost jumps when he hears Shawn’s voice. “Jeez man, what time did you get here? I could barely haul my butt out of bed at nine.” 

Louis glances over to the clock on the wall that’s still hanging a little crooked after his meltdown yesterday. He’s shocked to see it’s past ten. He looks at Shawn then, and he can’t help my smile at what he sees.

He’s wearing what appears to be yesterday’s T-shirt and jeans. There’s a grey knit beanie over his still shower damp hair that looks suspiciously like a hat Niall owns. Louis’ grin gets even wider. “And who’s bed exactly did you haul your arse out of Shawny?” 

Shawn is doing his best to look offended, but it’s undercut by the bright pink blush taking over his face. “I just crashed at Niall’s. Needed to sleep it off.”

Louis nods, but he’s still smirking. “Whatever you say love.”

Shawn groans as he grabs a chair that’s laying on it’s side on the ground and sets it next to Louis’ piano bench. “Seriously, why don’t you look like shit too? I know you drank just as much as I did.”

Louis shrugs. “Genetics maybe? Also, I’ve always felt hangovers are less potent if you just don’t bother to go to sleep at all. It’s the waking up bit that will really get ya.”

Shawn is just staring at him with his mouth open. “Wait, you’ve been here all night?”

Louis nods and reaches over to place a finger under Shawn’s chin to close his mouth. “Yeah, took a car straight here from the pub.”

Shawn swats Louis’ hand away but continues with his questioning. “But why?”

Louis shrugs again. “Figured out the song. Hey! You play violin right?”

Shawn nods at that absently before knitting his brows together in confusion. “Yeah, I play violin and cello too, but I thought we were putting electric guitar on it?”

Louis claps his hands in glee and smiles when the loud noise makes Shawn wince. “Ooh cello would be sick, but let’s start out with the violin yeah? Also, who said you can’t have electric guitar and strings on the same track?”

Shawn holds up his hands in surrender. “You’re right, sorry to question you sensei.” 

Louis grins as Shawn leaves the room to find a violin. He’s glad to see his sarcasm is contagious.

***

Louis watches Zayn’s face as the last bit of the track plays. Unfortunately Zayn’s not giving anything away with his expression. Louis chews on his lip nervously as he waits for Zayn’s response. _He could really go for a cigarette right about now._

The song has stopped playing, but Zayn’s still just sitting there staring at the silent speakers. Finally Shawn speaks up to ask the question Louis’ too afraid to ask. “So, what’d you think Zayn?”

Zayn snaps his gaze up to glance at Shawn before eventually turning to Louis. “It’s incredible you guys. Your best yet Lou.”

Louis sighs as he lets out the breath of air he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. “Thanks Z, I’m really proud of it. But I literally couldn’t have done it without Shawn.” 

He smiles over at Shawn who looks like he might actually explode with happiness. Louis turns back to Zayn. “So you think you’ll be able to sell it?

Zayn nods enthusiastically. “Are you kidding me? With both hands tied behind my back.”

Louis chuckles. “Ooh kinky.”

Zayn is rolling his eyes as Louis stands up and starts making his way towards the door. “Where are you going?”

Louis doesn’t even turn around as he answers Zayn’s question. “To bed.”

There’s nothing left here for him to do, _at least not today_. 

***

 

Louis jabs the 3rd floor button again in an attempt to make the lift move faster. It doesn’t work, but he keeps trying anyway. Finally the doors slide closed and it starts moving upwards. Louis sighs as nervously checks his phone to see if Zayn has texted him. _Of course he hasn’t_. 

As soon as the lift doors open he rushes into the Stout Records lobby only to walk face first into a wall of what he soon discovers is muscular man. “Oh shit, sorry.” 

The other man chuckles before flashing Louis a dimpled smile and that’s when Louis realizes he actually knows this human roadblock. 

“Hey Lou, welcome back to London! I can see you’re still just as busy as ever.”

Louis nods and gives him a sheepish smile. “Hey Liam. Sorry about that, I was kind of on a mission and wasn’t paying attention. I was looking for Zayn actually, have you seen him?” 

Liam gives him a kind smile that goes all the way to his eyes. “Well, we have something in common then. I was looking for him too. Thought I’d take him to lunch.”

Louis scrunches his brow in confusion. “Lunch? It’s not even 10am mate.” 

Liam seems to consider that before checking the Apple Watch on his wrist and then letting out of laugh. “Oh I guess you’re right. My internal clock has taken a little time to get used to the new schedule. I forget that not everyone starts their day at 3am.” He flashes another grin. “Maybe I’ll take him to brunch instead.”

“Congrats by the way on the Breakfast Show, that’s awesome Li.” 

Liam blushes but nods appreciatively. “Thanks Lou. I still can’t believe it. Like that’s been my dream job since I was a kid and now I’m actually doing it, it’s so crazy to think about.”

Louis nods in understanding. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I heard the show the other day, it’s really good.” 

“Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.” To Liam’s credit he doesn’t bring up the song request, doesn’t act like he’s even aware of it. _Bless him_.

Liam runs his hand through his hair. “How’s the writing been going? Zayn’s so happy to have you back. Wouldn’t stop talking about it for a week.” 

Louis can’t help but be taken a little aback by that. “Really?”

Liam nods, “yeah mate. He really missed you while you were gone. Didn’t he tell you that?”

Louis stays silent for a moment as he absorbs that information. “No, he didn’t say that.” Suddenly Louis remembers back to Zayn amiably allowing Louis to steal his lunch and coddling him in the bar when he was spiraling. “At least not in so many words.”

Liam hums thoughtfully. “Guess it’s kind of hard for him to say that stuff face-to-face. Hell, we’ve been living together for three months and he only said ‘I love you’ a few weeks ago.” Liam is smiling to himself until he sees the surprised look on Louis’ face and immediately tries to backtrack. “Oh shit, I don’t think I was supposed to share that. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

Louis is grinning now that the shock has subsided slightly. “I can’t believe the guy that pretends to be so tough is actually a sap. That’s brilliant.” He’s still cackling with laughter when he sees a pair of tanned and tattooed arms wrap around Liam’s waist from behind. 

Zayn rests his chin on Liam’s shoulder. “What’s so damn funny Tommo?”

Louis just smirks at him before giving Liam a reassuring wink. “Oh don’t you worry Zaynie, it’s nothing you need to be concered about.”

Zayn rolls his eyes and squeezes Liam a little tighter before giving him a light kiss on the cheek. “Hey love, what’re you doing here?”

The kiss somehow makes Liam blush but he recovers quickly. “Thought I’d stop by and maybe whisk you away for lunch.” 

Zayn smiles before confusion takes over his face. “Lunch? Is it even 10 yet?”

Louis laughs as Liam lets out a huff. “Yeah, think my body clock is kinda fucked.”

Zayn chuckles while finally untangling himself from Liam. “I’ll eat lunch with you at 10am any day of the week Liam Payne.”

Louis makes a fake gagging sound that makes Liam giggle and earns yet another eye roll from Zayn. 

Suddenly Louis remembers why he was looking for Zayn in the first place. “Hey Z, before you take off for your weirdly timed lunch can I talk to you for a sec about that song I gave you yesterday?”

Zayn’s shaking his head as he grabs Liam’s hand and starts leading him towards the lift. “We’ll talk about it after my morning lunch.” 

They’re about to step into the lift when Liam turns back around. “Oh Lou, I forgot to ask. Are you coming to our housewarming party tonight? Well, technically it’s a flat-warming party but that doesn’t sound as good.”

Louis raises his brow in question. “I’m not sure Li, wasn’t aware you were having one.”

Liam looks bewildered as he turns to Zayn in question. To his credit Zayn looks downright embarrassed as he rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “I _was_ going to invite you Lou, I _am_ inviting you. I just haven’t had a chance to ask you since you’ve been back.”

Louis can tell it’s a load of bull. Zayn probably figures as much. “Ok lame excuse, I know. It’s just… I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

He pauses to look at Liam as if he’s silently asking for help, Liam doesn’t appear to offer any so Zayn pushes on. “It’s just that there’s going to be a lot of people. People from here, and also Liam’s work.” 

_So Harry will be there_. He crosses his arms over his chest in an attempt to look more confident than he feels. “I’m capable of being civil Zayn.” 

Zayn’s already nodding before Louis is even done speaking. “I know, you’re right. I’m an idiot. Will you come? Please come?” Louis can tell he’s genuine. 

Louis pretends to consider for a moment just to torture Zayn a little longer. “Will there be alcohol there?” 

Zayn smiles in relief before nodding. “Yeah man, a shit ton.” 

Louis returns his grin. “Then I’ll be there.” 

***

Louis sighs as he makes his way down the hall towards Zayn and Liam’s flat. Zayn had done a spectacular job of avoiding him for the rest of the work day, so he hadn't had a chance to to talk to him about the song. And he _really_ needs to. Maybe he’ll get a chance to do it tonight. 

He still can’t quite believe that Zayn, the ever-bachelor guy he’s known for so long, is actually settling down. Then again, he’s not so surprised when he thinks about it a little longer. He and Liam are kind of great together, and Zayn’s clearly head over heels for him. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so disgusting. 

Liam opens the door after he knocks on it. Liam’s face looks a little flushed, but that probably can be contributed to the bottle of beer he’s gripping loosely in the hand that’s not holding the door open for Louis. “Come on in Lou. I’m so glad you came!”

Louis nods and he passes through the doorway. It’s a little difficult to actually get a good look at the flat on account of the low lighting and the large quantity of people packed inside. There’s loud music drifting through the space and he recognizes the song as one he wrote. 

Liam claps a large hand on his back. “Grab a drink and have some fun Lou. I’ll catch up with you later yeah?”

Louis nods and a second later he watches as Liam disappears into the crowd. 

After a few beats, Louis starts to make his way through the people towards what he hopes is the kitchen. He nods at a few of them as he passes. He recognizes most of the people here. A lot of them from Stout, but there’s several familiar faces from Radio 1 too. 

One in particular he wishes he didn’t recognize. Nick gives Louis a wolfish grin as he blocks his path. “Hey Tomlinson. Welcome back to London town.” 

Louis fights the eye roll that’s threatening to slip out. _He promised Zayn he’d behave himself tonight_. “Thanks Grimshaw. Now if you don’t mind moving your ass I really need a drink.” _Ok, so maybe behaving isn’t his strongest skill._

Nick doesn’t look the least bit bothered by Louis’ attitude. Just keeps that stupid smug grin on his face. “Oh come on Louis, that’s no way to greet an old friend now is it?”

Louis can’t contain the eye roll this time. “We’re not friends Nick.” 

Louis watches as the grin on Nick’s face somehow gets wider. His voice is an octave lower when he speaks again. “Ok fine, former lover then.”

Louis closes his eyes for a second to regain his composure. “Fuck off Nick.” He shoves him out of the way and makes a break for the kitchen.

He’s not super proud of it, but what Nick said wasn’t a lie. He was drunk, and Nick is objectively fit even if he is an arse. It only happened once, _twice tops_. 

Louis tries to shake those memories from his brain as he walks into the kitchen. There’s still people milling around, but it’s significantly less crowded than the main room. He grabs a beer and uses a nearby bottle opener to pop the cap off. 

“I see you still drink beer. Guess not everything has changed then?”

The voice sends an unwarranted tingle down Louis’ spine. He tries to keep his expression neutral as he turns around to face Harry. 

He looks incredible, as always. He’s wearing ridiculously tight black leather pants paired with a mesh black shirt. His hair is a mop of sweaty curls atop his head, he’s probably been dancing. Once again, Louis feels completely underdressed compared to Harry. He hadn’t really given it much thought when he’d thrown on his ripped light washed skinnies and Oasis band shirt he found in a thrift store. 

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe you never really knew me in the first place Harry?” 

Harry seems to consider that for a moment before finally nodding. Then he stares into Louis’ eyes with his own impossibly green ones and it makes Louis’ heart skip a beat. “Yeah Lou, I’ve wondered about that actually.” 

He reaches past Louis to grab a beer of his own. In a completely unplanned move of boldness Louis takes the bottle from him and removes the cap before passing it back. Harry raises a brow but only mutters a thanks before taking a long swig of his drink. 

He moves to lean against the counter next to Louis. They stay like that in awkward silence for a few moments before Harry finally breaks the drought. “You wanna dance?”

Louis knows he probably looks stunned, but he can’t help but be surprised by Harry’s offer. He holds up his beer and points to it. “Reckon I’d need a couple more of these before that had any chance of happening.”

Harry gives him that trade-mark dimpled grin that has convinced Louis to do _so many_ stupid things in the past. “Better drink up then.” 

***

_This was so stupid_. The thing is, he knew from the very beginning he should have just walked out of that kitchen and left Harry where he belongs. _In the past_. Spoiler alert: he didn’t do that. What he did was have three more beers and then let Harry lead him by the hand into the dancing crowd. 

And now that he’s started he can’t stop. Because there’s no way to fight how good Harry’s strong hands feel gripping his hips. The way their bodies seem to mould together perfectly as Harry presses his chest to Louis’ back. 

There’s people flailing about and dancing all around them, but Louis’ world has been completely reduced down to the sensation of Harry kissing lightly down the side of his neck. Louis wants it to be harder, _rougher_. 

He reaches up behind him to tangle his fingers in Harry’s hair and gives a sharp tug. He feels it when Harry growls against his neck, and that’s not all he feels since Harry has pressed what appears to be his very hard erection against Louis’ bum. 

The rough sound of Harry’s voice in his ear makes him shiver. “Meet me in the loo.” 

And suddenly Louis is standing alone in the crowd sporting what is probably an extremely obvious semi. He really can’t be bothered to worry about it though. He has more pressing matters to attend to. 

_Like deciding what the fuck to do_. 

What he _should_ do is tell Zayn and Liam he loves their place and then get the hell out of here. 

_That would be so boring though_.

_He’s probably going to hell anyway, so why not have some fun before he gets there?_

As he starts pushing his way through the crowd he realizes he has no idea where the bathroom is. 

He successfully makes it to the back of the room where a makeshift DJ station has been set up. He sees that Niall is manning the operation, which explains why every song has been by a Stout artist. Most of them written by Louis too. 

Shawn is sitting next to Zayn and Liam on a couch pushed against the wall. Louis gives them a wave before turning to Niall. “Look, I love that you’re proud of your artists but have you ever heard of the term subtle?” 

Niall throws back his head in a howling laugh before looking back at Louis with a smirk. “Says the guy with a boner in the middle of a party.”

Louis shakes his head and moves towards the couch instead. He nods at Shawn before turning to Zayn and Liam. “Nice place guys. Where’s the loo?”

Liam just chuckles and points towards a hallway Louis hadn’t noticed before. He’s about to make a break for it when he hears Niall call out, “better hurry I’m sure Harry’s waiting.” 

He flips him off while trying to ignore Shawn’s surprised face and Zayn and Liam’s concerned looks. 

He makes his way determinedly towards the hallway. He’s made it this far, he’s not turning back now. After walking past what appears to be a bedroom and a home office he finally comes upon a closed door that is most likely the bathroom.

He raps on the door lightly, thankful there’s not a line of others waiting to use the facilities. He hears a quiet, yet familiar voice from the other side of the door. “Someone’s in here.”

Louis smiles. “It’s me Haz.”

Within seconds the door is open and Louis’ yanked inside. He barely has a moment to process anything before he feels his back being pressed against the now closed door and Harry’s warm mouth pressing hot kisses all along his jaw and then down his neck. Harry mouths lightly on his Adam’s apple before moving to the side of his neck.

Louis knows without a doubt he’s going to have marks all over his neck, what with the way that Harry is sucking on it so forcefully. He also knows they’re going to be a bitch to cover up, but he’ll deal with that in the morning.

_He’ll deal with everything in the morning_. 

Right now he can’t really really be bothered to worry about it. Not since Harry is currently sinking to his knees while he simultaneously wrestles with the button on Louis’ jeans. 

He lets his head fall back against the door behind him. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience when Harry slides his jeans and pants down his legs, not even bothering to pull them all the way off just letting them pool at his ankles. It’s been so long since Louis’ had this and yet it feels natural, like they just did it yesterday.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by Harry’s lips trailing gently along his inner thigh. The touch is so soft and just _barely there_ that it’s making Louis mad. He reaches down and tangles his hand in Harry’s curls in an attempt to speed up the process, but it doesn’t help. In fact, he’s fairly certain Harry is going even slower somehow. 

He feels an involuntary groan rip out of his own throat. “Haz, please. Fuck. I need.”

He can’t even finish the sentence but when he looks down into Harry’s now fully dilated pupils he knows he got the message. Harry looks so good like this, like he’s going to eat him like a dessert. _Like he’s going to wreck him_. 

Harry only gives him a smug grin before ducking back down this time to lick along crease between Louis’ thigh and his hip. Feeling the hot wet muscle drag along his skin sends multiple shivers down his spine. 

Harry grips his hips hard, holding him in place and not letting him buck up to get the friction he so desperately needs. 

Harry’s nibbling on his inner thigh now and mumbling into his skin. “Love seeing you like this. Pants at your ankles, so fucking needy for it.”

Louis feels his brain short circuit as he lets out a whine. And the next thing he knows Harry’s mouth is on him exactly where he wants him. He takes him to the back of his throat with seemingly little effort. It has Louis red faced and gasping within moments. 

He knows this is going to be over ridiculously fast. Harry is moving at a steady pace, only pausing every now and then to run his tongue along Louis’ slit the way he knows he likes. He fists his hand in Harry’s hair tighter in warning. “Harry, I’m close… Ugh.”

Harry doesn’t make any acknowledgment, but Louis knows he heard him. Sees the way his eyes got darker at Louis’ words.

Suddenly and with little warning he feels the tension that’s been steadily coiling deep in his stomach finally break. Harry doesn’t miss a beat, swallowing him down and working him through it as he comes. 

Louis lets himself slide down the back of the door on shaky legs as Harry pulls off with and obscene ‘pop’ sound. 

There are still tiny black dots floating in his vision and he’s not sure he’ll ever regain a normal breathing pattern. But when he looks over at Harry he gets a sudden boost of extra energy.

Harry is still resting on his knees with one hand pressed to the floor behind him holding himself up. His other hand is palming the very large bulge in the front of his leather pants.

With his eyes closed, jaw slack, and hips working rhythmically into his own hand he looks absolutely _debauched_. Louis cant help but lick his own lips as he feels a renewed surge of need go straight to his already spent cock. He grabs his jeans and pants and pulls them back up around his bum. He gingerly tucks is cock back in his pants but leaves his jeans unbuttoned. _He wants to focus on Harry now_. 

He reaches over and circles his hand around Harry’s wrist effectively stopping his movements. Harry whines in frustration before opening his eyes to look at Louis pleadingly. 

Louis can’t help but smile, it's intensely satisfied knowing exactly how to press another person’s buttons. “Want some help with that love?”

Louis chuckles at Harry’s eager nod and pulls him closer. Harry lets Louis maneuver him into the position he wants, so that Harry is settled between his legs with his back pressed to Louis’ chest.

Louis leans down to murmur in his ear as his hands snake down Harry’s mesh shirt before arriving at the button of his pants unhooking it easily. “You were so good before baby. Had me coming so hard so fast. Still good with your mouth yeah?” 

He thinks Harry is trying to mumble something in return, but it’s mostly incoherent. He considers torturing him a bit more by demanding he speak properly, but ultimately decides against it. _He has other plans in mind_.

He licks along the shell of Harry’s ear before he speaks again. “I’m not near as good with my mouth, but I like to think I can make up for it with my hands.”

It’s at that moment that he chooses to slide his hand under the waistband of Harry’s pants to wrap his hand around his pulsing cock. He’s not surprised at the lack of underwear, _in fact he was counting on it_. 

Harry lets out a strangled moan as Louis starts moving his hand at a steady pace. It’s mostly dry and pretty rough, but it doesn’t seem to matter to Harry judging by the jerk of his hips. 

Harry reaches for his pants to pull them down but Louis uses his free hand to stop him. “No, leave them on. I want you to come in your pants like a dirty slut.”

He doesn’t normally talk that way, he never said things like that before Harry. But the way it always makes Harry react is priceless. He’s delighted to see that hasn’t changed.

Harry throws his head back onto Louis’ shoulder with a loud moan. “Oh my god. Louis, please.”

Louis’ not entirely sure what he’s asking for, and he’s fairly certain Harry doesn’t know either.So he decides to make an executive decision. 

He takes his hand that’s not currently occupied and sticks his pointer finger in his mouth sucking on it just long enough to get it wet before moving his hand back down to Harry’s waist. 

He quickly pushes his hand down the back of Harry’s pants and wastes no time sliding a wet finger between his cheeks so that he can circle the fluttering ring of muscle there. 

Harry jerks beautifully at the touch, and soon he’s alternating between fucking himself forward into Louis’ hand and backward onto his finger. Louis only has his finger pressed in to the first knuckle, but he knows it will be enough. Harry is already teetering on the edge. 

Louis leans forward to nibble on his ear. “Just let go Haz. Want to see you come in your pants like a needy teenager that can’t control himself.”

That seems to be the push that Harry needed because within seconds his movements go erratic before slowing to a stop. Louis works him through it and only removes his hand when he sees Harry wince in sensitivity. 

Harry’s head is still resting on Louis’ shoulder and his eyes are closed. When he speaks his voice is rough, probably from taking Louis earlier. “Holy shit Lou. That was…” He opens his eyes and looks at Louis but he doesn’t finish his sentence. 

Louis just nods cause he can fill in the blank. “Yeah, I know.”

And suddenly the entire weight of what he's just done hits him like a ton of bricks. Here he was trying to make Harry realize he’s better off without him and now he’s just gone and fucked it all up. _Literally_.

“It was a mistake though.”

He feels Harry’s body go rigid against him. “What?”

Harry is scrambling out of his hold and turning around to face him. Louis really wished he hadn’t cause now he gets to see the hurt expression on his face in full view.

“Are you honestly going to sit here and tell me that you didn’t enjoy that?”

Louis shakes his head and tries to swallow the lump forming in his throat so that he can speak. “That’s not the point Harry. Just because it felt good, doesn’t mean it should have happened.”

Harry scoffs at that. “And why not Lou? Were we really that bad?” He pauses for a moment before adding quietly, “was I that bad?”

It’s in that moment that Louis realizes he is absolutely the worst person to ever walk the Earth. He can feel the hot tears already forming, but he does his best to fight them off. “No Harry, that’s not it. It’s not you ok, I just can’t right now.”

Harry lets out a laugh, but it’s completely hollow. “So that what you're going to go with? 'It’s not you, it’s me.' Think you could be any more fucking cliche Louis?”

Louis scrambles up to his feet as he zips up his jeans. “I’m so sorry Harry, I need to go. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob but he doesn’t turn back around. “I’m sorry for everything.”

All he gets back in return is a quiet, “sometimes sorry’s not enough Louis.”

***

Louis really needs to get out of here, but first he needs to talk to Zayn. Luckily his friends are all right where he left them, except that Shawn is helping Niall at the DJ stand and Zayn and Liam have fully entangled themselves together on the couch. Normally he would jokingly scold them for PDA, but he really doesn’t have any room to talk considering the way he just defiled their bathroom.

Liam looks surprised and Zayn looks concerned when Louis plops down next to them on the couch. Liam looks hesitant to ask him anything but finally manages. “You alright Lou?”

Louis looks at him for a moment trying to consider his answer. He knows he probably looks a fucking mess right now, with his disheveled hair wrinkled clothes and distressed expression. In the end he decides to ignore all that and go with a lie. “Yeah Li, I’m fine thanks.”

Liam nods reluctantly while Zayn gives him a look that tells him he’s not falling for his bullshit. “Look Zayn, I’m sorry to talk shop right now but I really need to talk to you about the song I gave you yesterday. You can’t sell it to another artist.”

Zayn is nodding slowly. “Good, cause I didn’t.”

Louis lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God. You need to shelve it Zayn, I can’t let the song see the light of day.”

Suddenly his stomach sinks when he sees the concern grow on Zayn’s face. “Well see, that I can’t do.”

Louis scrunches his brow up in confusion. “What are you talking about? You just said you didn’t sell it to another artist.”

Zayn is nodding again. “Yeah, I didn’t sell it. But I didn’t say it wasn’t being released.”

Louis is just irritated now. The alcohol is still clouding his brain, but what Zayn is saying is making no fucking sense. 

Zayn seems to sense his frustration so he pushes on. “I’m releasing the song the way you gave it to me Louis. It’s already in motion.” 

Louis just stares at him dumbfounded for a moment. “What? You mean the demo?” Suddenly his eyes go wide in realization and his voice comes out in a screech. “You’re releasing it with my vocal?” 

Zayn looks even more worried. “I didn’t tell you cause I wanted it to be a surprise, I thought you would be thrilled. I don’t understand why you’re reacting like this. What’s going on Lou?” 

Louis knows he’s worrying his friend, but he can’t really be concerned with Zayn’s feelings right now when his own world is crashing down around him. 

“You have to stop it Zayn. Kill it, I don’t care just don’t release it please?”

Zayn is shaking his head gently. “I can’t Lou, it’s already done. And honestly, I wouldn’t even if I could. That song is perfect and the world needs to hear it.” He pauses for a moment. “The _whole_ world.” There’s too much weight in that sentence for Louis to handle right now.

Louis knows he means well, but hurt and anger are clouding his judgement. “Fuck off Zayn.”

Luckily for him Zayn and Liam are still tangled up with each other allowing him time to slip into the crowd before either of them can reach him.

He rushes out the door and hurries down the hall. He has no idea where he’s going or what he’s doing next. 

He wishes he had never written that damn song.

_Or does he?_

 


End file.
